Zette's Storybook

Five years ago....


Apache Sangre slid along the wall of the downtown warehouse, carefully keeping in the shadows and away from the brightly lit windows a floor above her. Something flashed off to the right -- but the car didn't appear. They might still have a chance.

Meanwhile, her sister climbed along the wall like a gecko. She always wondered how Baby managed that one, but she'd never asked. Any time she had to ask her sister for an answer, it proved a disaster. She'd stopped being that stupid when she was ten.

Something moved in the alley beside the warehouse. She glanced up to see her sister at the corner of the building, peering around the edge. Baby gave a soft whistle, and Apache answered it. Baby came sliding down the wall and landed beside her, very nearly silent.

Three weeks in Phoenix and this was about as much excitement as they'd found, and they weren't even on duty tonight. She needed either a different job or a new city. Or both.

"Saw him," Baby said, brushing her hair back and trying to straighten her uniform. "He doesn't appear to be alone, so this could be tricky. I think we've got him cornered this time --"

And three cars raced down the street and braked to a stop. The doors flew open and five very large men leapt out. Baby went for her gun, but stopped when she saw the Uzi pointed their way.

A smaller man slipped out of the back seat of the last car. Rabbity, with shifty eyes, though Apache couldn't see them very clearly in the near dark. She just had an impression of white spots looking at her, her sister, her, her sister.

"All right. I've heard about you two," Rabbit said. "You think I don't know what you're doing, here? You think you're going to scare me?"

Baby looked at the guns. "I can pretty well guarantee that's the farthest thing from our minds."

Apache nodded agreement.

"You two think you're so damned cute. Two little sisters, playing cops -- but you aren't going to fool me. I know about your background, the life you've led. I know you want to move up, right? How much is it going to cost to buy you out? Come on. Give me a number."

"Any number?" Baby asked. She looked excited. "Wow. Can I have a calculator? Maybe the square root of Pi? No, that won't work -- too plebian, anyway. Mersenne prime? How about Kalmár's composition constant? Or maybe we could try for Pythagoras --"

The man growled -- an odd sound to hear from a Rabbit. Apache rather wished Baby hadn't done that, since she would have liked to play this game. Just once -- name a number and see if the guy came through. Leave it to her sister to ruin the fun, again.

"All right. So you know about this place. Fine," Rabbit said, waving a spindly arm at the building behind them. "But that's all you're getting. This case is closed, you understand? I'll make a deal with the DA tonight. Whatever else you thought you could get from me, it's not going to happen. And believe me, we will meet again."

He threw himself back into the car. His army retreated as well, the Uzi still pointed at the two until the last moment. Apache and Baby stayed where they were, leaning against the wall. Then all three cars backed up, tires squealing, and disappeared into the night again.

Apache pushed herself away from the wall and brushed her hands against her pants. "Do you have any idea who that was?"

"Not a clue."

Apache sighed. "All right. You better climb back up and see if we lost the little rat while those people bothered us."

Baby nodded reluctantly and climbed up the wall again. She paused and glanced in one of the windows.

"What are you doing?"

"Just curious," Baby answered looking back down at her. "I can't see anything but piles of paper."

"Ah well. Keep going. We have work to do."



Three hours later Apache knocked on the door of her elderly next door neighbor. The woman timidly opened the door just a bare inch and one eyeball peered out through the crack.

"We caught him, Mrs. Hampermashernill."

"Hih."

Apache reached in her shirt and pulled out a gerbil. The little rodent fastened all his teeth in her hand. Again. She held it out, the feet dangling and tail swishing like an angry little cat. Mrs. Hampermashernill reached a claw-like hand out and took hold of the animal. It bit harder.

"Let go, Buttercup," Apache said. It understood the threat, especially when her other hand went toward her gun again. They'd discussed gerbils and 22 caliber practice rounds. Buttercup let go, dropped on to the woman's arm and scampered up to her shoulder, cowering under the older woman's ratty gray hair. "Next time you take Buttercup out for a walk, make sure the leash is tight, okay?"

"Hih."

Apache nodded. "Good. I have to go pick up Baby at Emergency. They should be done with the stitches by now."

"H."

The woman closed the door. Apache pulled a hanky from her pocket and staunched the bleeding in her hand. She needed a new job. This work was far too dangerous.



Work the next day proved. . . . odd.

"Wow, great work, ladies," Officer Crisp said, patting them on the shoulder as they came into the building. Baby had almost drawn her knife at the touch, but Apache caught her in time. "I'm really impressed."

"Ah, thanks."

"Mathews wants to see you right away," the woman at the entrance desk said. "Man, he was whistling this morning when he came in. I ain't never seen him so happy. Good work, chicas."

"Thanks," Baby said. She smiled and went past with Apache at her side.

"Hey, I'd avoid the detective department, though. Take the long way around. They're not real happy."

"Okay," Baby said. "Thanks."

People smiled and gave them a thumbs up as they headed down the hall toward Mathew's office. They'd only been there a couple times since there transfer from LA, and he hadn't seemed very pleased to meet them.

Captain Marx, head of the detective department, stood outside Mathew's open door. He towered over the two, and his dark brown skin always seemed to take on a particular grayish sheen when he saw them. This time he looked... well, pale. Apache hoped he recovered soon.

"Anything I can do for you, Captain Marx?" Baby asked.

"Oh, I think you've done enough already," the man said. His voice had gone all gravelly, as though he'd done a lot of yelling recently. "Mathews is expecting us."

"Okay." Baby said. She was starting to get that 'deer in the headlights look' -- which in Apache's sister could be very dangerous. She tended to charge things. Apache herded her into the office, but maybe that wasn't such a great idea. Mathews looked up from his desk and smiled at them.

"You two --" he said, and stopped. Apache watched his hands to make sure they didn't go for a gun. She saw Baby mark the distance to the door. "You two did an exceptional job last night. I don't know how you managed it. It wasn't your assignment or your beat. How the hell did you track him down?"

"It wasn't easy," Apache said. She and Baby settled in the chairs in front of the desk. "We had to crawl through a lot of gutters."

"I imagine so."

"It's not a big deal," Baby said. "He was just one little rodent."

"Maybe they don't make much of this kind of thing in LA, but down here in Phoenix... Well, I've changed my mind about you two. We take our rodents pretty damn seriously here."

"Yeah. I can tell," Apache said. She marked the path back to the door now. These people were crazy. "Hey, it's just the kind of thing you should do to help out the people around you. It's not a big deal."

"I like your style." Mathews glanced at his watch. "Marx, you and I have a press conference to attend. You two sit it out here. I don't want your faces all over the news. When I come back, we'll talk about moving your to undercover."

"Great!" Apache said.

Mathews nodded and smiled as he left. Marx looked unhappy.

"Hell," Apache said. "Next time we should maybe find a lost cat or something. They were never this happy with us in LA. Even when we caught that wild wolf that was loose in the city."

"Might have helped if it hadn't been your wild wolf." Baby looked at the door where Mathews and Marx had gone. She shook her head and looked back at her sister. "Apache, I don't think they're talking about Buttercup."

"What? Who else. . . . Oh hell."

"Yeah. You know, it might help if we knew who he was. Or what he was doing."

"Remind me to pick up a paper on our way out."

"Out of town?"

"The thought has crossed my mind." Apache sat back in the chair and thought very hard about career and truth. "You know, I'd really hate to ruin Mathew's good mood right now. Why don't we just keep the part about the gerbil to ourselves for now?"

"Good plan. I'd like to live to leave this room alive, and besides, going undercover sounds like a lot more fun than walking the beat again."





Five years later

Apache stood near the side wall of the Council Chambers on Chachacha Prime and waited for her turn before the Great High Chachachin. Her sister should have been here as well, but Baby appeared to have gotten lost again. She had a very bad habit of doing that whenever there was an official meeting.

She managed the parties in the suites at night, though. Hell, she even managed to find the private kitchens and have words with them about serving the two of them a live dinner. The fact she had made pets out of a couple dinners seemed to have upset a few people, and Apache feared that was why they had been called here.

The creature in front of her walked up to the dais. Shaped like a small bear with long golden fur -- good thing Baby wasn't here, or she'd be trying to take it home for a pet too, and the way the others bowed toward him, Apache thought that might not be a good idea.

The Teddy Bear bowed and began to speak in a lovely sing-song voice. The Great High Chachachin looked down, nodding along with the words, it's long, beaked mouth opening as he seemed to sing along.

And then he bit off the head of the bear.

People -- and other things -- clapped.

Well, maybe it was better Baby wasn't here. Apache noted that the bear had not stopped moving. Nor was it bleeding. In fact, the headless bear started dancing.

So maybe Baby would still have wanted one. Apache was safe from the lure, however. Although her luck with pets was -- well, even she considered it a bit bizarre that they kept mutating on her -- she didn't tend toward the cute fuzzy kind.

Even the headless dancing ones.

Baby came in just as the creature unexpectedly grew a new head. It just popped up, all furry and cute again. She looked at it longingly as some of the other attendants led it out.

"I want one!"

"You're late," Apache said, shaking her head. "Though I am surprised that you showed up at all."

"Seji called and told me to get up here, because someone is on his way with mail for us."

"Mail."

"Apparently so."

Apache looked up in time to see the majordomo signal them forward with a half dozen arms.

"We're next. Behave. And just do what I do. I'll handle this."

Baby gave a little bow of her head, but she feared cooperation wouldn't help. From what she could see of The Great High Chachachin, it wasn't going to do much good since he looked unhappy. Maybe the bear head had given him indigestion. Maybe he wanted an arm or a leg to fill out the meal.

When Apache moved forward, she kept her appendages, including her head, tucked close in to her body. Baby stayed at her side and mimicked her moves -- head scrunched down, arms folded across her chest, and taking little baby (so to speak) steps so that her feet didn't get too far from her body.

They couldn't look any more bizarre than the dancing headless bear. In fact, they got a nice round of applause. Apache thought that might be the sign for 'eat them, they look good for dinner' and would rather the others ignored them.

The Great High Chachachin looked down his long pointed beak at the two of them. "You two are trouble," he squeaked.

"Thank you!" Baby said with a bright smile. "I didn't think you'd noticed!"

Its eyes narrowed to black slits. A long thin tongue snapped out and back, far too snake like in a bird like creature. Apache didn't want its notice. She stomped on her sister's foot, though she doubted it did much good since she got the one with the brace and nearly broke her own foot instead.

"We deal with those who make trouble," the creature said. The tongue moved again. Baby seemed to have gotten the idea that this might not be good --

The Great High Chachachin glared and made a signal with one of the seven arms. Guards began to move in from the side of the room. Baby put a hand on her belt knife. Apache reached for her laser pistol, thinking this might be the time to try it out.

And then the mail arrived.

"Special delivery, Sangre Sisters!" a voice called out, loudly, from the back of the room.

The mailman pushed his way through the crowd, passing the soldiers with their drawn rifles without so much as a glance. He held a white envelope in his hand, waving it like a flag.

"I was told the Sangre sisters were here," the mailman lisped, stopping with several appendages waving. "Have a delivery from Earth."

"That would be us," Apache said, reaching for the letter.

He pulled it back. "I need ID."

Apache cast one quick look around the room. They were the only humans present, and as, far as she could tell, the only humans without several hundred light years. Baby, however, had already drawn her ID out. The mailman, or whatever stood there with several appendages tapping before Apache got hers out. She flashed it before a dozen eyes, some of which went cross eyed to see the card.

Then it handed the letter to Baby and scuttled off out of the room again.

Apache took the letter from her sister's hand. Baby tried to grab it back.

A few minutes later they had pieced together enough of the scraps to read the envelope.

"From Chief Mathews," Apache said, shaking her head. "That can't be good. Addressed it to Future -- with a note to forward to wherever the hell we had disappeared."

"Huh," Baby said. She still sat in the middle of the room, everyone watching as she pieced together the tiny scraps of writing from the note within. "The last time we disappeared he thought we were dead. I wonder where the hell he thought this was going to end up. I've got the letter."

"Well, let's hear it."

"Dear Baby and Apache --"

Apache tapped her foot.

"Oh for crying out loud. Fine." Baby's fingers moved across the floor, rearranging again. "Talk about childish --"

"What was that, Baby?"

"Nothing. I've got it. Dear Apache and Baby. We are undergoing an infestation of mutant gerbils. I assume you are involved. Come back and clean this mess up. Mathews."

Apache looked at Baby. They looked at the Great High Chachachin and then back at each other.

"Duty calls," Baby said.

Apache agreed with a nod.

So they left.

One

The moment Baby and Apache appeared at the Chicago airport, all hell broke loose.

Which, really, was pretty normal so they didn't pay much attention. Okay, maybe materializing like a couple special effects out of Star Trek didn't help, but they couldn't get anyone to land and it was either that or the captain of the ship was going to throw them out. Without coats, Baby pointed out, with a glare at her sister.

As soon as they appeared, Baby grabbed the nearest human, and shaking him while she shouted "What the hell is the date!" That didn't help either.

The human got away, though, leaving Baby scowling and looking around for someone else to accost. "No holiday. As long as there is no holiday --"

"Oh, it's bound to be a holiday somewhere, don't you think?" Apache said despite herself. Baiting Baby had always been one of the most consistent forms of entertainment in her life. "It seemed to me that Great High Chachachin was saying something about a celebration --"

Baby grabbed her sister and began to shake her. "No holidays. There are no holidays!"

"And no hurricanes, islands, and dancing headless teddy bears."

"I think we can agree on those terms," Baby said.

Seemed reasonable to Apache. This might work after all!

They paused to watch the reports on a television in the bar, and then had the added pleasure of seeing a report from Phoenix.

"Captain Mathews, do you have any idea of where the gerbils came from?"

Mathews looked wild. He stared at the screen. "I know they're back. I saw the news a couple minutes ago, the trouble in Chicago. It's them. And if they don't get their asses down here and take care of the mutant gerbils they set loose on the city, I am going to hunt them down to the ends of the earth. No hold on, I know that won't work. To the ends of the universe --"

"I really think we should go help him out, don't you think?" Baby asked. "He seems awfully wrought up over a few gerbils."





Two

When no one would fly them Phoenix, Apache ended up buying a jet from a bankrupt airline to fly them herself. No one argued after that. In fact, she thought they seemed more than a little happy to get the two of them out of the Chicago area.

The arrival at the Phoenix airport was fraught with portents and -- well, gerbils. The portents came in the form of thunder, lightning and snow. The snow storm had apparently taken a liking to them somewhere over the Rockies, and no amount of glaring or shooing by Apache could dissuade it of following them home.

Baby slept through the fight, which badly annoyed Apache, though not nearly as much as Baby's reaction when they came into the airport terminal and she could see the two inches of snow of the ground outside the window.

"Oh! Pretty!"

Apache spun, hand raised to slap her sister across the back of the head. Unfortunately, Baby chose that moment to lean over and pick something up from the floor. Apache's swing sailed harmlessly over Baby's head, and she lost her balance as well, somersaulting over a set of chairs and landing on the floor.

Baby stood up, two fluffy gerbils in hand. "Look what I found, Apache! Aren't they cute? Apache? Where did you -- oh, there you are! And you found one, too!"

Apache sat up. Something sat on her head. She reached up and caught hold the startled little creature. In a moment she looked at it, face-to-face.

"Don't I know you?" Apache asked.

The gerbil squealed, head shaking from side-to-side.

"Here, you take this," Apache shoved the gerbil into her sister's hold. And then another, and another --

"See, I told you your sisters had arrived. Look at the weather. No one was calling for snow. And there were those falling stars flying in formation last night. You might as well give it up, Apache. You'll never get them all picked up like this. Besides, these gerbils aren't the ones you need to worry about."

"What do you mean?" Apache demanded, putting a third gerbil on her sister's head.

"These are just gerbils," Catpain Mathews said. He waved toward the window. "Those are the ones we're worried about."

Baby and Apache turned.

Baby dropped the gerbils. "Holy great gray mother of..." Baby stopped talking as though the words failed her.

Apache just nodded. "Giant mutant gerbils."

Gerbils the size of VW bugs were trudging through the snow and seemed to be heading their way.

"Well," Baby said.

"You know, the Chachacha court doesn't seem nearly so bad suddenly."

"So, how are you, Cloud?" Baby asked nervously glancing at the windows where more gerbils had started to gather.

"Been better," he said and sneezed. "I was out helping the biology team round up a couple of the mutants. Turns out I'm allergic to them."

"Then rounding up the giant ones must be hell," Chief Mathews said.

"Oh, I'm not allergic to the gerbils," Cloud said as he took another one from Baby's hair. "I'm allergic to the scientists."

"Ah yes. Of course. That makes far more sense," Mathews said. "You're a Sangre."

"So, Apache, what do you think?" Baby said, looking out at the giant mutant gerbils as they started to pound on the window.

"Dinner, rent a movie," Apache said.

"Just keep three things in mind," Mathews said as they headed toward the exit. "First, there are a lot of frightened people in this city, and if we don't get this under control soon, there's no telling what they'll do."

"He'll there's no telling what they'll do when they aren't frightened," Baby said. "I know exactly what they'll do when they're scared: The wrong thing."

Even Apache couldn't argue with that logic. "What are the other two points?" she asked.

"The number of giant mutant gerbils is growing every day, so the longer we wait to do something, the harder it will be to get it under control. And last, they have the city cut off and yours was the last plane, train, car or motorcycle to get in. No one is getting out."

"Ah," Apache said. They stepped out of the building. "And then there's the weather."

"I like it," Baby said.

Baby managed to step back to talk with Cloud just as Apache swung at her again. This time, rather than somersaulting, Apache just lost her footing and went sliding down the sidewalk.

"Hey, that looks like fun!"

So Baby went sliding down the sidewalk toward the van parked a few yards away. A half dozen nation guardsmen stood by it. They looked startled. Apache never found the sight of startled, uniformed men with guns very reassuring.

Baby never seemed to notice. Baby had made a fine art out of not noticing things, like how truly pissed this weather made her sister. Baby even slid straight past her sister and plowed into three of the guardsmen, who in turn knocked down the others.

"Strike!" Cloud shouted. Like Baby needed encouragement.

Apache, who had managed to slow, came to a more sedate stop by just plowing into the van. She offered her hand to help one of the men up.

"Do you think it wise to knock down the people who are protecting us?" Apache asked.

"They aren't protecting us," Mathews explained. "That's another slight problem. Shooting the gerbils just makes them mad. These guys are just for show."

Apache watched the group line back up. Tall, well-muscled, uniformed....

"Just for show?" she said. "I can go with that."

By then the giant gerbils had appeared at the edge of the building and so Apache and her companions climbed into the van. Apache drove, which seemed to scare the hell out of everyone but her sister.

"Taco Bell for dinner?" Baby asked.

"Absolutely," Apache agreed.

"You're going to have trouble finding anything open," Mathews warned.

"Are you kidding?" Apache said. "Do you really think Baby won't find an open Taco Bell?"

"Good point," Cloud said. He leaned forward from the seat behind her. "You better get moving. The gerbils are gaining on us."

Apache knew how to handle winter driving: you head south until you got away from it. Mexico was looking better after each block, and Panama didn't seem out of the question at this point.

Unfortunately, the storm was likely to follow them there, as well. Things did that with them -- storms, islands -- and likely the gerbils for that matter.

Apache looked in the rearview mirror and saw the animals still gamboling along behind them, like a herd of. . . giant gerbils in the snow. She could find no analogy that fit.

They passed a mall, the giant LED flashing the news Baby had been looking for since the landed: Only three more shopping days until Christmas! And plainly giant gerbils and unexpected snow storms hadn't deterred the shoppers. The place looked packed.

"Well that explains everything," Baby said, waving a hand toward it and the surprisingly crowded parking lot. "Holiday coming up. No wonder we're back to work."

Baby directed her a few more turns and in a moment they had found an open Taco Bell. They went through the drive up and ate in the car since Apache absolutely refused to put a foot out into the snow again.

And it was just as well, since the weather turned really bad right after they got the order. Lightning rent the sky, and hail fell hard enough to ding the van. Even the gerbils ran for cover.

And then a tall man in a black coat came walking up to the van and tapped politely on the door. Baby sighed and looked at her sister.

"Let him in," Apache said.

Baby did so. Petya slipped into the van, nodded politely to the others and then looked back at the two sisters.

"This is your trouble, this time, not go around and the gerbils only get larger. Yes?"

Apache reached back and caught him by the collar. "Don't pull that crap with me again. What do we do?"

"No," Baby said. "I think I see. The question is actually What did we do?"

Petya nodded. "Yes, not this time. Or before. Do not take the Gerbil with you to the future."

"You know, that almost made sense," Apache said. "And now I'm worried. I never trust anything that you say that makes sense."

"Very wise. Alan sends me, back then."

"You really do need to settle into one time zone for a while," Apache said.

He finally sighed and nodded agreement. Then he looked at the giant gerbils running toward them.

"I think I'll go now."

He stepped back out of the van and walked away into the snow. Lightning flashed far too close by and startled the gerbils. That gave Apache a chance to ease the car out into the street -- or at least what she thought was the street.

"They forgot hot sauce," Baby complained.

So they went back through again. Apache thought it might by symbolic of their lives. Circling Taco Bells. And just when they had reached the window again -- they saw themselves driving away. Apache looked at her sister, and waited.

"You think I have some answer?"

Apache snarled, but Baby put her head out the window, looked back at the van behind them at the same time that the Baby in the next van did. They waved.

"Yup. We appear to be in some sort of glitch," Baby said. I think it must be Petya's fault."

"Damned time-traveling oriental aliens are going to drive me nuts," Apache said. She glanced back and knew the other Apache did as well, no matter where in the line they were. Apparently time mattered more than place. Cloud, Mathews, and the National Guard men all looked at her, silent. "Any of you have an idea of what to do?"

"Shoot me if I ever say I want your help again," Mathews replied.

"Good plan for the future. We have to do something about this one first, though."

"I have an idea," Baby said.

She leapt out of the van and darted to the one behind them -- but the other Baby's had all done the same, and the sight of her sister, in multiple, darting from one van to another made Apache queasy.

And then Baby -- a Baby -- stuck her head in the window. "That's fun!"

And she ran on to the next van, so that another Baby appeared, laughed, ran --

When the next one showed up, Apache had slid across to that seat and grabbed the next Baby by the collar.

"You go back where you belong and send back my Baby," she said, quite calmly.

"We're all the same, you know," Baby said.

But she wasn't. This Baby was not her sister, and she could sense the difference. It was not right.

"I want my sister back."

Baby sighed and nodded. She started walking back the way she had come. One appeared at the window, nodded, and moved on. And another. And the next stopped and started to climb in.

"Nope. One more."

Baby started to protest, but she finally grinned and nodded and moved on. In a moment, her Baby reached the van and slipped in.

"Amazing. I didn't think you would be able to tell," Baby said. "Did you remember to get the hot sauce?"

So they made another circle. And this time when Apache demanded the sauce, the vaguely disturbed guy just handed out a huge bag of sauce and stepped back from the window.

Apache grabbed it, threw it at her sister, hit the gas and tried to ram the copy-van in front of her, just to see if she could.

She couldn't, of course. They all did the same move. And when Apache took a sudden turn to the right, so did everyone else, and for a moment she felt a wave of confusion as vans faded, appeared -- lines in front of her, lines behind her.

"How many do you think?" Baby asked.

"Infinite Babys and Apaches," Apache said, looking forward and backward.

Mathews moaned. He looked ill.

"I take it back," he whispered. "I take it all back. The giant mutant gerbils weren't so bad. Not a problem. I could deal with them. Unique. We could draw tourists. I'll take the gerbils. Just... Not... more Sangre Sisters."

"Hey, the way things are going, maybe you'll end up with both," Cloud suggested.

Baby eating her taco, stopped to laugh. "You know, that might not be all bad. Just think of how much more stuff we could get done."

Mathews looked around, shaking his head in grim denial. "No, no, I will not let the earth -- the universe -- be destroyed because I made a stupid panicked mistake about the poor mutant gerbils!"

"You have a lot of faith in us," Apache said.

"Yeah. Wow. I never thought anyone would consider us a danger to the entire universe! Thank you!"

Mathews moaned.

"But you know, with all these others things seem a bit crowded. And then there is the problem of who gets credit for the work done," Apache said.

"Not to mention payment for it," Baby added.

"You had better call Alan."

"Get me to a phone, then," Baby said.

It wasn't quite that easy. They ended up back at the mall, and Baby and Apache went inside. Many times. People screamed in terror, and Apache thought that very impolite since they didn't even know the two of them, or even the multitudes of other twos of them.

Or maybe it was that wherever Baby and Apache moved, reality overlapped and everything began to multiply. Baby reached for a phone and missed, her hand passing through the phone to the right instead. People multiplied around them.

Baby finally got her hand on the phone. She didn't look pleased. She even dialed straight to Alan's office.

"Hello?" Alan said, his voice already sounding a bit too high.

"Hey, Alan," Baby said. "We have a problem."

"Hold on, the connection sounds odd. Like there is a strange echo --"

"Not an echo. An infinite number of me making the same call. About a Nanosecond off, I think --"

Alan started shouting things. Some of them Apache heard quite clearly from a foot away. "I wonder if he realizes we understand that language now," she said.

Lightning flashed. Inside the mall. A moment later Petya appeared. He had no shirt, shoes or sunglasses, and he was still fastening his pants. He looked around the area and staggered as though he would faint at the sight. Oddly, though, there was only one of him. He began to move, randomly waving his left hand through whatever Baby and Apache happened to be in his way. They made an odd popping noise as they disappeared. They also didn't seem to notice him.

But when he reached the two, Apache caught hold of his arm as he started to slap her and Baby.

"Ah, good. You two this time now." He touched the watch on his wrist and a beam of green light spread out and caught lines of Baby and Apache sets, popping them out of existence, one after another. Baby waved. So, of course, did the other Babys. It looked oddly like synchronized swimming, but without the water.

And then there were just... two sets. But they weren't identical. The second set wore black -- well, tailored, too, and not at all their usual blue jeans and t-shirt styles.

Petya tried to wave a hand through them. Baby-in-black caught hold of it, proving herself real as well. Petya looked startled and started to draw back, worried.

"We're here now real, but not back until later, maybe," Baby-in-black said.

Petya nodded and looked relieved, which Apache found all the more annoying. He drew his hand back and gave the two a courteous nod of his head and then did the same to the local Baby and Apache. Apache caught herself in black glancing at Petya with what could only be a predatory look. She'd have to work on that look in the future. Or did. Or would. Or maybe she was getting a massive headache and wanted everyone to go away.

"Why did you come back now then instead of before afterwards?" Petya asked.

Apache hit him across the back of the head. He yelped and looked back at her, surprised.

"Just let them talk," Apache-in-black said. "Baby speaks his language and some times she even gets real answers from him."

"Does she? And you trust that?"

"Never. But we have things to discuss, anyway," Apache-in-black said. She tilted her head to the right and took a step that way. Apache's Baby looked torn between listening to herself and Petya, who seemed to have started discussing possible time slips and changes that maybe could have happened later afterwards back. . . . Apache had to control herself from hitting her Baby just out of reflex.

Apache-in-black bowed her head to the two. She looked wiser. Or slimmer. Maybe it was the hairdo.

"While Baby sorts out the trouble with Petya, I've got something important to tell you," she said. She lowered her voice, looked right and left -- as though anyone would come near this insanity -- and then back at Apache. "Listen to what I say and heed my words: Not matter what, do not go to Za'ha'dum. No hold it. That's not right. Damn. Ah! No matter what, do not rent Brigadoon!"

Baby-in-black tapped her sister on the shoulder. "We should go now then and back to where we can start forward."

"If I kill her now will it help?" Apache asked with a hand on her own sister.

"No, unfortunately not. I tried it."

"Ah. Going for the reward?"

"Reward?" Apache-in-black said, her eyes widening a little.

"Oh. Maybe you haven't reached that point back yet. Hell. Kill me now."

"We better go," Baby-in-black said.

"Any clue on how to get rid of the giant mutant gerbils?" Baby asked.

"Gerbils?" Apache-in-black asked.

Baby waved toward the doors of the mall. Several of the huge beasts had gathered out there, looking plaintively inside.

"Well hell," Apache-in-black said. "Where the hell did they come from?"

"You aren't here to help us with the gerbils?" Apache said.

"I'm here to tell you not to rent Brigadoon," Apache-in-black said. "It'll just drive you crazy." She looked toward the doors where the gerbils had started to pound. "Though maybe that's not such a bad idea."

"We better go before things start overlapping again," Baby-in-black said. She sounded normal. Almost. As much as she ever did, Apache supposed. "Good luck with the gerbils. Though Apache, I want --"

Apache in black hit her sister across the back of the head -- or at least tried. Baby bent to pick up one of the small gerbils that had started gathering near them.

"Aren't they cute?" She dropped a couple in her pockets. Apache-in-black looked skyward, pulled up her wrist and hit a button. In a moment they were encased in solid light, and the background changed.

"Well they're your responsibility," Apache-in-black said.

"Do I complain about the camel and the giant seaweed that keeps tracking sand through the house? What harm can a couple gerbils do?"

But just as the two in black began to fade, Apache-in-black looked toward the mall doors where the giant gerbils pounded. She looked worried.

And then they were gone. Petya looked around as though he expected more of them to pop up, which she supposed wasn't an entirely unreasonable fear.

Baby looked back at the doors and the giant gerbils. She looked at Apache and then around the mall. "You know, I bet there's a video store here somewhere. Why rent when we can buy?"

"Excellent point."

Petya seemed inclined to stick with them, and as long as he didn't start playing word tense games, Apache didn't mind. Baby even slipped into a store and bought him a shirt and shoes. People seemed to look at him strangely -- maybe just because of the idea of someone walking around without a shirt or shoes in this snow storm. They did draw a few less stares after that, though not nearly enough to make Apache feel better.

"Do you think we should go out and tell Mathews, Cloud and the boys that all's well?" Baby asked.

"I assume that all the vans disappeared, so they'll have figured it out," Apache said. "And I think they could probably use a little time without any of us around."

"Good point. Gee, we haven't been shopping in a mall since Omaha and that snow storm."

"Don't remind me."

"This is not my fault, you know," she said.

"I don't know it," Apache said. "This might all be your fault."

"Oh right. Like I'm the one who has problems with pets mutating on her," Baby said.

She did have a point, and Apache finally gave a reluctant nod of agreement. They found the mall's map and headed up to the second level. The bright lights and Christmas decorations almost put Apache into a good mood, and the fact that the crowds always made room for them without even having to shout helped even more. They found the video store, which seemed quite busy until they came in.

"I need Night of the --" Apache began.

"Yes, yes, I know." The nerd behind the counter leaned down and brought up a copy of the tape. "You told me. Here. Night of the Lepus. And Brigadoon."

"She said not to watch Brigadoon," Baby said and grabbed the movie before Apache.

Apache started to argue. Decided it wasn't worth it right now. She paid for the nerd for the tapes -- which he again found odd, but shrugged it off -- and they left again.

"Are you sticking with us?" Apache asked, looking back at Petya again.

"I will be here now this time, I think."

Apache looked at him. It had almost made sense. She didn't trust it.

But they headed back out to the van where the others were still chowing down on the Taco Bell food. All of them looked calmer, even with the giant gerbil on the roof. Baby shooed it off and they climbed in.

"We need a hotel with VCRs," Baby said.

"And free popcorn," Apache added. "We forgot the popcorn."

It took them three tries to find an inn with room, a VCR and popcorn. At least the Guards proved handy, though. They pushed the van to the last one, straight through the knee deep snow. Even the gerbils were starting to look worried about the storm.

The hotel only had one room, however, and began to protest the crowd until Chief Mathews -- obviously gone half crazed by this point -- pulled rank and nearly pulled a gun. It might have helped that the guards voted to stay in the lobby and guard the doors. The clerk obviously began to worry about what they needed to guard against. Apache looked out and though she saw gerbils heading their way. If the clerk had missed the gerbils so far, she didn't think now would be the best time to bring them up.

They went up the stairs, Baby grumbling so much that Cloud swept her up and carried her to the top.

"I think we need to take him along on all our jobs," Baby said.

"No more Sangres!" Petya protested and looked panicked.

Apache thought they ought to give it a try just for that reason, though she didn't torment him with that idea -- not when they were going to share a very small room.

The room had two large beds, a couple chairs, a desk, small fridge and microwave, and an armoire that hid the TV and VCR. As Cloud prepared the popcorn, Apache fought to remove the wrap from the tapes. Baby and Petya had gone to the window to count gerbils.

"Ten mutant gerbils frolicking," Baby sang.

Mathews, who had thrown himself down on one of the beds, moaned and put a pillow over his head.

Apache finally got the movie into the VCR and for the next eighty-eight minutes they all watched in rapt, amazed attention as giant bunnies terrorized the southwest. Except for Baby's occasional 'I want one!' and a general 'It's dead, Jim' comment now and then, it didn't seem to help much.

At the end, Apache clicked the TV back off and looked at her sister.

"Don't even consider it," Baby said. "We are not killing the giant mutant gerbils."

Apache started to argue, mainly because she always argued with everything Baby said. But the idea of killing all those giant gerbils really didn't appeal to her anyway. She felt herself caught in a nexus of argue/agree and only the sudden pounding at the door stopped her from having to say anything at all.

Baby looked far too smug.

The guard at the door, on the other hand, looked frantic. "You two are downstairs at the door and you say that you need to talk to you right now," he said.

Baby sighed and got up from the bed, brushing popcorn off her shirt. Apache looked around at the others. None of them looked inclined to come along, which somewhat annoyed her.

"You're going to go let us talk to ourselves, and no one is even worried?" Apache asked.

"We just watched Night of the Lepus," Mathews said. "That's already destroyed any hope of rational thought."

"Rational thought. Baby and I are about to go down and talk to ourselves, and you use a term like rational thought?"

"I think he needs rest," Baby said. She reached the door and grinned as she looked back. Cloud and Petya were coming with them, at least. So they went down the stairs with the stairs and into the lobby. Baby and Apache-in-black were standing just inside the door and looking unaccountably worried about being there. Didn't do much for Apache's state of mind right then.

"Yes? What now?" Apache asked.

"Outside," Baby-in-black said.

"There is snow outside. I don't like snow. You know that, right?"

Baby still inched her way back to the door and out. Apache-in-black looked skyward and followed. Baby and Apache shrugged and went out as well, with Petya and Cloud trailing along, and all of them shivering.

They sidled along the edge of the building until they were mostly sheltered by a huge pine. Baby-in-black leaned against the wall and nodded to her sister.

"Oh, right," Apache-in-black said. "Leave it to me."

"You're the one who insists it's such a problem," Baby-in-black said.

Baby leaned against the wall beside her and nodded. "Apache is always that way. Everything is such a big deal."

Both Apaches looked at them. Neither Baby seemed impressed. Petya and Cloud inched away a little bit.

"Look, this is really, really important," Apache in Black said. "Whatever you do, don't watch Brigadoon."

"Why not?" Apache asked.

Apache-in-black glanced almost nervously at her sister. Baby-in-black grinned.

"I would rather not say in front of them."

Apache glanced at the two Babys and felt a little tingle of worry. They both smiled, and that didn't help at all. And then her Baby leaned forward and looked at the tree, her head tilted slightly to the side.

"Look at that," Baby said. "There are gerbils in the pine tree."

"Oh, right. The gerbils," Apache-in-black reached in and pulled one out holding it up by the front paws. She handed it over to Baby. "I'll give you a clue on that one. The small gerbils are the males."

Apache looked at the small gerbil in her hands and then at the huge gerbils that were congregating at the edge of the parking lot. "So the big ones are not just large mutant gerbils, they're large mutant Amazon gerbils."

"Yup," Apache-in-black said.

Baby looked at the ball of fluff in her hands. "Run for your life, little guy."

She put him into the tree and he scrabbled up to the highest branches where several of his mates were already holding on, looking like furry pine cones. Apache caught one that fell, his poor little feet cold. She shoved him into her jacket pocket and then glared at the others again.

"So, is there any other reason we're standing out here in the snow?" Apache asked.

"Just take my warning seriously," Apache-in-black said. She stopped and looked at Petya. "And get the ship ready for them on time. It will save all kinds of trouble, you know."

"I know now, not then, maybe sometimes."

She nodded, waved a hand to her sister, and started to walk away. Baby-in-black shrugged and followed her sister. Apache looked back at her own sister as though all of this were her fault -- which it probably was, though she couldn't quite decide why, so she headed back to the hotel door. Petya looked troubled as he followed behind. Cloud looked up into the tree and then out at the Amazon Gerbils. He shook his head and followed, kicking up snow as he went. Way too much like Baby.

They went back into the hotel. The clerk looked at them, eye twitching -- and she hadn't even really been involved in any of this so far.

"We need to get the giant gerbils out of here," Baby said suddenly. "If we don't, they'll likely trample all the male gerbils, and then there will be no baby gerbils."

"And this would be a problem because...?"

Baby got that look.

"Okay, fine. We save the male gerbils. How?"

She frowned. "It would be too hard to get the males. They're small and. . . ." She stopped and smiled. Even Apache felt an odd urge to run. "Petya, get us a ship. A really large ship."

"I -- no -- maybe -- when?"

"Now would be good."

He nodded and headed back out the door. Lightning happened. Snow fell harder.

"Now we need some kind of way to lure the huge Gerbils to the ship," Baby said.

"What are we going to do with a ship full of Giant Amazon Mutant Gerbils?" Apache demanded.

"I know of one person who will love them, especially since we're no longer there for entertainment."

"Who -- Oh. The Great High Chachachin. But he bites --" Apache stopped that sentence. Take the Gerbils to Chachachin? Why not. It at least sounded like an answer. She'd take whatever answer they could find. No use confusing the matter with discussion of momentarily headless teddy bears.

She nodded agreement with the plan, and Baby, of course, looked really worried now. She hadn't argued and Baby knew that was a bad sign. She looked as though she would start arguing herself, but then she might lose her chance to win. . . .

Apache smiled. At least now her sister knew how it felt.

They headed back to the door but before they arrived, lightning flashed and Petya came back, leaping through the snow and cursing in languages that Apache and Baby had begun to understand.

"There. We have ship now later."

"Why? No, when," Baby said. Then she shook here head. "Where?"

He pointed upward.

The Imperial Cruiser in Star Wars should have looked so good. Petya's ship probably would have blotted out the sky if the snow hadn't already.

"I want you to start collecting the gerbils," Baby said, with a hand on his arm.

"No, no, no. Not me, here now, go later, maybe not --"

Baby did not let go of his arm when he started to pull away.

"You collect the gerbils and take them to the Great High Chachachin as our gift from Earth. If you don't -- well you know that we can make your life hell in just about any time frame you want to discuss, right?"

"I thought you already had," he said, and quite plainly.

"You think so?" Apache said.

"Aaaiiieee. Yes. Take Amazon Gerbils to the Great High Chachachin."

"Good plan."

He nodded and began to make shooing noises at the giant gerbils who didn't appear to take him very seriously. Apache had every faith that he would get it worked out.

They started back into the building, and ran into themselves again. Only this time it wasn't Apache and Baby-in-black. This time they wore t-shirts and jeans and looked like they weren't real happy with the weather.

"This can't be right. There wasn't a storm, was there?" Other Apache asked.

"Oh, get serious," Other Baby said. "There's always a storm."

"True," Other Apache said. She looked at the two of them. "Yes. Look, we need to make a trip. The four of us. Just a few years back. Something went wrong, and we're not sure what -- but if you are there, you might stop it."

"Stop what?"

"The gerbils," she said. "The gerbils who go on to take over half the worlds --"

"Don't say that. They shouldn't know about it," Other Baby said.

"Is that why we shouldn't watch Brigadoon?" Apache asked.

"What has that got to do with anything?" Other Apache asked.

"You tell me."

"How should I know?"

"You warned me sometime in the past, future, other -- hell. Never mind. Let's go."

She grabbed Baby by the arm when her sister started to protest, and in a moment they were in a bright circle of light. Other Apache and Other Baby worked with some equipment. Then they stopped and stepped out again.

Phoenix. Apache looked around, frowning. There was something about this night that seemed very familiar.

A gerbil crawled out of her pocket, looked around and with a squeek of surprise and joy, took off at a run.

"Uh oh," Other Baby said and looked at her Apache. "I think we just screwed things up. I thought we would pick up the gerbil here, not take him back with us."

"Damn," Other Apache said with a shake of her head. "We're never going to get this mess straightened out."

"I think that's the point," Apache said. She didn't like the way Baby and Other Baby grinned at each other, though.

"Well we might as well go back --" Other Apache began.

A car came speeding down the street and braked to a stop. Other Apache and Other Baby had slid back to the shadows. Apache and Baby stayed where they were.

Rabbit... what was his name? He had made them famous for all the wrong reasons.

"Carpenter," Baby said, nodding toward him. "I figured you would be along soon."

"You want to play this kind of game again?"

"Maybe. I don't think you take us seriously enough," Baby said.

"So what are you two going to do?"

"What do you think we're doing down here?" she asked.

"That why you came by my home? To get me down here to talk about your vendetta?"

"Apparently so," Baby said. Apache just let her sister run with it. She couldn't clearly remember that night except --

"Hunting the gerbil!" she said aloud, startling everyone.

Baby looked at her and nodded. Rabbit -- Carpenter -- appeared to think it was some code. He looked from one to the other, shifty eyes... shifting.

"You two don't have nothing on me."

"Well, let's just see, shall we?" Baby walked over to the car, pulled a knife from her belt, and slit the tire. "That'll give us time to do all the work we need to."

She nodded to Apache, and walked away into the shadows, and joined Other Apache and Other Baby. Rabbit starting yelling and calling for back up while his driver leapt out and prepared to change the tire.

"Looks good," Baby said with a nod. "I think we've done all we can here: Set Rabbit up to turn himself in because of us, and set the first mutant gerbil loose."

"But how did it get mutant?" Apache demanded.

"Well, duh. Sitting in your pocket? Has there ever been an animal that didn't change into a mutant after being with you for a while?"

At least that made sense, finally. She thought she'd not mention it to Mathews and Alan, though. Or say anything about those worlds the Mutant Amazon Gerbils took over. Would take over. Whatever.

She didn't argue when Other Apache said they should go back to the future now....

And back to find the snow storm still raging. Petya had a giant gerbil roped and appeared to be dragging it back to a circle of light in the parking lot of the hotel. He shoved it in and the gerbil rose up into the sky and into the ship.

"We could help," Apache said.

"Or we could go watch Brigadoon."

So they went back to the room and watched the movie. Apache didn't think there was anything so dire about it.

"You know, I really liked the sound of those bagpipes!" Baby said. "I'll have to pick up some bagpipe music. I wonder if I could learn to play one."

And that's when Apache understood the horrible doom that had befallen her....

The End